The following personal perspective on applying mindfulness in daily life was written in June 2023 and published to this blog in March 2024. I share it as an example of the challenges between our hopes and the reality of our day to day experience, and how patterns of emotions can arise at any time. Our ability to work through these reactions is what being mindful is all about, things will always happen, it is our tools that get better, not our circumstances.
Palm Springs, holiday destination for Hollywood stars of a bygone era, has always been a place that people go to escape. With its sometimes-unforgiving heat, the Sun lights up the mountains, golf courses and, of course, swimming pools of the resorts and mid-century modern homes, hotels and motels that are part of the town’s appeal. The whole place is a modern art museum, with vintage clothing stores, antique stores, and plentiful art galleries, as well as statues and sculptures celebrating its connection to the glamor of Hollywood. It’s also home to bars and clubs and is a celebrated place for drag queens and other performance artists to find their freedom. So, like the 14.1 million people who passed through the greater Palm Springs area in 2022, I decided to make my escape to the desert with my youngest child for a couple of days.
I was attracted to the romance of it all. I was attached to the idea of stimulating the senses, the delight of warmer weather, the wide choice of good restaurants and food designed to amuse tourists once the sun has retreated for the day, the interesting art and people to observe, and as a water lover, the swimming. This is the place to escape your thoughts and to be stimulated by everything that is external to yourself. This is not a place designed for contemplation or introspection, it is there to be experienced. Perhaps that is its purpose. A place where you can forget reality, a young-adult or perhaps middle-aged Disneyland of sorts.
Accepting Reality
Yet, introspection and contemplation accompanied me on this trip. On several occasions, I was forced to accept the reality of my experience and let go of the dream escape. My 12-year-old child with their self-proclaimed 16-year-old mind was bored. As with many young people today, they are obsessed with instant gratification and desire to move between locations and experiences at a pace that does not match my idea of relaxation. The experiences they seek are different. They are looking to satisfy their fast minds, trained by social media to recognize brands and move on quickly. Starbucks over a boutique café, Sephora shopping over relaxing by the pool, an escape room vs the escape of a room at the art gallery. It’s almost certainly generational, or perhaps I just like different things than the person that largely shares my genes and life values.
I was there to spend quality time with them though, so I moderated my expectations and tried to find new ways to enjoy the town. But by the end of our first whole day, only 28 hours away from home, my kid had heat exhaustion, or perhaps a sugar overload, or was dehydrated, or all the above. Dinner reservations ruined mid-meal, they wanted to go home. Not to the hotel, their real home. The nail in the coffin our trip. Ironically, I resonate with this, perhaps they learned it from me, every vacation interrupted at around 60% completion with a desire to go home. It happens to me without fail. I wanted to tell them that the feeling would pass but, they were noticeably pasty, clammy, and tearful. I had no choice but to take them to a cooler location and let them rest. Within 15 mins of being back at our hotel they were asleep. I, however, was to sit and face the psychological program that troubles me most in this life, for the next three hours.
Health Anxiety Takes Over
On matters of my own health and the health of my closest family members, I suffer health anxiety. These days, I am at least cognizant of it. I can see the whole drama playing out in front of my eyes. But, on these occasions, my amygdala is just working overtime and the skills that I have learned to train my mind, don’t seem up for the fight. I had three precious hours to myself that I could have used to read or meditate or work on an overdue deliverable, but I could not moderate my fear response sufficiently to concentrate or relax into those pleasures. Although a disappointing and frustrating few hours, this was a significant learning. As I deepen my practice of meditation and bring the practice of mindfulness into everyday life, there are times when the deepest rooted of our psychological patterns show up and just refuse to be tamed. But as I drove home the next morning, a little earlier than planned, I realized that this IS the practice. This time, I was better than last time, and next time I hope to be better still at reducing the mental suffering that comes from reaction to the transient external events of a normal life.
Contrary to my intentions this last weekend, I did not escape into the delicious experience buffet of the blisteringly hot Palm Springs. I learned that this was a trip designed for me, not for my kid. I was trying to mold her to me. Next time I won’t repeat that mistake. As I arrived home, I felt the normal but palpable sense of gratitude for my own home accompanied by a new sense of comfort with the discomfort of life. Not the trip I was planning, but perhaps one I will learn from more.
I will go back though, the allure of the escape to Palm Springs is too big for my hungry senses to ignore.
Zoe McMahon
Founder and Coach
New Era Mindset Coaching, LLC
